Sunday, June 12, 2016

I still believe in pseudoscience!


I still believe in pseudoscience! My horoscope still seems right, even when I read Taurus instead of Aries. My holistic medicines work wonderfully because the placebo effect is much stronger than not taking any fake medication. My back is in better shape because I got out of my comfy chair and did the long walk across the parking lot to my chiropractor who has furniture that clicks and snaps so that the sound of my back cracking is a simulation and won't really hurt me or heal me. I feel more calm after my acupuncturist because of the 45 minutes of deep meditation that is only possible when you can't move because you have more needles than porcupine and my acupuncturist gives me extra strong homeopathic medicines at only twice the cost of Whole Foods, which makes them much more effective placebos. 

I believe in ghosts because I don't know any personally, but I am sure they are nice people. I also know that heaven and hell are real because I have not visited either one, but plan on visiting heaven and Antartica because I have heard they are both cool places. Just because you have not been to a place or know a person or gone to a Lock Ness petting zoo, doesn't mean they don't exist.

I draw the line at vaccines as the rumors are that every shot puts a government tracked GPS radio in your blood stream so that big brother can track my every move. I line up for every flu shot because I want to be found when the aliens shoot another plane out of the sky. Same with using credit cards instead of cash. If I bump my head and start wondering around, the police can find me by my trail of Starbucks receipts (I hear $20 dollar bills have GPS trackers, but that's a lot of $20s to cary just for a head injury.

I also believe that climate change is totally fake. I know global warming is fake because why would my dental hygienist lie? In fact, I believe most things I hear. Everyone that is branded as a conspiracy theorist, political fear monger and more because they have no agenda or malice in their hearts. Conflict of interest is a myth and more power to the people that fight science because there is no university degree in pseudoscience.

Yes, I still believe in pseudoscience. Use all the logical fallacies you want to attack my opinions, I will still believe. The one thing I can say for certain, if I change my blind belief in the great pillars of pseudoscience, I'll feel stupid. I'll feel ashamed that I could believe in those things. Unless its funny that I do. Unless I can laugh at myself. Then, maybe I can chicle at the CVS that no longer sells cigarets, but still sells homeopathic medicine and untested herbs. Then I'll take a sip of tea in my back yard, no longer in fear of poisoned contrails. Maybe I'll spend more time reading the funnies instead of checking my horoscope. Then, maybe...

This blog is in reponse to Why I Stopped Believing in Pseudoscience How a tarot-card-reading, candle-burning teen became a total skeptic.