Pseudoscience that makes scientists want to pay pseudoscientists a retirement pension

The folks at ion are feeding us more material. Hurrah! This tim, they are mankind things a bit more obvious with "10 Pseudo-Science Theories We'd Like to See Retired Forever" also by Annalee Newitz. Today you get a few spoilers! But please read the article on Io9 (They still seem to be coming from the future, which also means that pseudoscience is still alive and kicking at some non-specific futuristic blog website).

Below are the ten. Sadly many of our favorites are missing, but we are willing to take a scientists pension and retire from our pseudoscientific ways for these gems. We have added our thoughts on the selections, which as you can see, is selected with the scientific rigor of a blogger using a key word search and an ax to grind (what are so many grinding axes and not cutting down trees).

1. "Toxins" - How does this make #1? Everybody knows that the "toxins" are just the tip of the iceberg for a host of hokum.
2. Intelligent Design - Oh, oh, pick on our buddy Ken Ham. To top it all off, I.D. is hardly a Pseudoscience  but actually a plot by Karl 'The Atheist" Rove to get George Bush elected. 
3. Quantum Mysticism - Also known as Quantum Woo, this should have been the top of the list. It is the best of out-there theories. The question is, are our friends at the new age book store both alive and dead before we open the store door and ring the little bell?
4. Homeopathy - This is a good choice too. Especially since it is modern medicine (invented before surgeons washed their hands, germ theory, or penicillin).
5. Polygraphy - Ok, maybe it is steaming pie in a field of boy cows, but the criminals don't know that. Polygraphy is the placebo of crime fighting. Imagine Batman giving homeopathic batarangs! 
6. Baby Genius Programs - This had not occurred to us that someone would put it on their top ten. Yes, perhaps out on a limb unable to hold our weight, but there is a lot of other fruit that is so low hanging, it is in a deep and dark hole in the ground of crazy. Imagine the possibilities of teaching your child to believe in crystal healing or perpetual motion before they are potty trained!
7. Genetic Memory - Scrapping the barrel! The author is obviously confusing this with reincarnation. Speaking of reincarnation, want to go get a burger?
8. The Vaccinations and Autism Hoax - First, anti-vaxers don't think it is a hoax and it cannot be classified as a hoax anyway because incompetent doctors are not purposefully lying to us. The politicians... Well, this is another Republican cause like I.D. isn't it? Besides, the anti-vaxer movement is as dead as the people dying from the diseases that are now spreading through the communities that are not vaccinating.
9. Aliens Built the Ancient World - Everybody knows that aliens didn't build the ancient world. They enslaved the humans to build things like the pyramids and gave us secret knowledge like rope.
10. Phrenology - Who believes in Phrenology? Sure there are a lot of Phrenology heads at Restoration Hardware, but not one psychic that we have ever met practices this ancient art. The last time we heard it mentioned was on the Three Stooges.

Please comment below on your ideas for the pseudoscientist's toolbox. We need more material for the book and maybe a plot suitable for a movies that Oprah is willing to star in.

10 ideas that psuedoscientists wish you would use more

Here at Boys Book of Pseudoscience, we get great ideas from those silly scientists. Scientists are very fond of telling us about how pseudoscientists are perverting science. Case in point is my new source of ideas to help the budding pseudoscience is Io9.

We just found "10 Scientific Ideas That Scientists Wish You Would Stop Misusing" by Annalee Newitz. No spoilers! Go read the article on Io9 (We come from the future).

More on these 10 gems soon(er or later).  Until then, please comment below on your ideas for the pseudoscientist's toolbox. We need more material for the book and maybe a plot suitable for a movies that Oprah is willing to star in.

Quantum Stupidity

Quantum Holography

I was reminded today of two theories of the brain that burgle from two sciences, quantum theory and holography. Let's start with quantum.

The theory goes that conciseness arrises from quantum computers in our cells. Further the theory goes, not only are we super computers, but also our brain cells talk to each other via quantum entanglement.

Supposedly there are little tubes in our neurons that act as the quantum computers. A quantum computer does the computation by computing all possible answers at once. Sort of cool. Why add 2+2=4 when it is much faster to add all possible numbers and just pick 4. Strange but true.

Here is the problem: Quantum computing is really quantum stupidity. Our wonderful brains do not compute all possible answers and then pick the result that seems true. On the other hand, we do tend to select the first answer which is likely the silly answer.

Eat a cookie or a carrot, what is better? Cookie!

With quantum computing, you should be able to see all possible futures that can result from either the cookie or the carrot. The cookie of course is governed by quantum mechanics and only has mass when the mass is observed–assuming that when not observed, it is a wave–therefore the cookie is does not exist once it passes your nose. Or, as Richard Feynman put it:

“If you think you understand quantum theory, you don't understand Mrs. Field's Cookies.”

~ Richard Feynman on Mrs. Field's Cookies

Holographic Cookies

The standard process for creating a hologram imprints the light of each part of an object an all parts of the surface of the holographic surface. Combined with a reference beam, the result is that depending on the angle of your view, the diffraction of  In other words, all the information of a 3D object's picture exists within the pieces of the hologram. If you create a hologram of a cookie and then cut out 1/10th of the hologram and you will still see the cookie in the smaller piece. The smaller piece might be a little fuzzier, but it will still look like the cookie.

If the universe is just a hologram, every piece of the hologram has a piece of cookie in it. Again, eating the cookie or not, you always are eating a cookie–even when eating a carrot.

Ipso Facto Delirium

As the facts show, cookies are a) not really here, and b) everywhere in the universe. So, go ahead and eat that cookie and read another book from Deepak Chopra who is fond of both concepts and cookies.